Best Quotes of 2017

You know the drill.   Goodbye 2017 and with it come...

The Best Quotes of 2017

As always, I do not give context to make them funnier/more bizarre.  I also will not reveal who said what to protect the innocent or stupid.

"Well what if you just killed yourself?"

"So THIS was your big presentation to make me want a Nintendo Switch? Yeah it makes me want a switch..... wanna switch to Sony!"

"The ketchup isn't pregnant.  It's water didn't break."

"I have a lot of packages on my porn apparently.  PORCH!"

"Spider-Man 3 gave my dog cancer"

"You can steal anything if you have confidence"

"I swear if we go to Chick-Fil-A for lunch I'll s*** so many bricks that the President won't need to raise any money for that wall."

"I'm always afraid of hand-drawn Captain Falcon because I'm fairly certain it'll turn out to be gay porn."

"Would ya like to come schit with us? (said in Scottish accent)  HA!! SIT!! OH MY GOSH I didn't realize what I said till I said it."

"I really hope there are no SJW's in the area to look out the window.  It's pure white everywhere you look."

*COUGH* "I feel like I just deep throated a furry animal." 

"It's like trying to stop a tidal wave with a colander dish.  You look stupid and you're going to end up covered in salt." 

"They caught this woman in the middle of adultery. I don't want you to visualize it but she was committing adultery.  She was doing it."

"Boys are only good for kissing and d***.  If you aren't getting either of those it's not worth it."

"Look at that face... What condom?" 

"Body like a back road?  What does that lyric even mean?  Poorly maintained and full of holes?"

"Only the Jews work for the union"

"I wouldn't be surprised if that exists somewhere... reverse interspecies bondage."

"I mean you ARE a horrible person but not for these reasons."

"Everywhere I need to go is in one location.  GameStop is near my work, work is there by my work......"

"I need a superhero name for this wiener."

"Did you see the image I sent you?  The one you commented on."

"Yankees are like hemorrhoids, if they come down and go back up they're fine.  If they come down and stay down then they're a pain in the a**."

"Bryant, it's your turn to squeak Ben Bailey."

"Tyler likes them so it makes me hate them even more."

"If you die of a heart attack you better call me first. Don't be a prick."

"If you send me that, I'll be all over that like s*** a fly on honey"

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That's it for 2017.  Let's hope 2018 brings some more hilarity with it.  See you next year!