Sunday, January 1, 2017

Best Quotes of 2016

Hello Everyone,
Another year has passed us by and many people are thankful to see the backside of 2016.  For me, 2016 was more of a "blah" year.  It just sort of existed as nothing particularly fantastic nor particularly horrid happened throughout this year.  It just... was.  As such I'm going to forego any sort of yearly update on things that happened and get straight to why you all are here.

This is my collection of quotes and dialogue gathered throughout this past year.  As per usual I will not be providing names for any of these quotes nor will I include the context involved (with one exception.)  So without further ado, I give you

The Best Quotes of 2016

"Or lighten up. Like me and u. We follow Jesus but don't act holier than thou about it.  So we can talk about NSFW things and not look like hippos"

"So he kills an Egyptian and runs cause that's one thing you can do when you kill"

"Because nothing says bi*** like a slutty, cheaply made Chinese cat."

"When the cat's away, the mice go gay?"

"If you wanna win that girl, just get them a sheep because sheep are cute and cuddly and... delicious."

"Here's some words that start with D and they aren't good words."

"Level 14 can go screw itself in a hole in the corner of a room on the top floor of a burning building during the apocalypse with 'Friday' blaring on repeat!"

"That's kind of messed up... me as the female character, I had to blow the butler."

"It was so damp that a bar of soap was all..... soap wet nasty."

"I promise I won't shave any of you."

"I have photos coming out my a**."

"It's called the spray and pray method of emailing.  Just send emails to everyone and hopefully someone who cares will receive it."

"I want to apologize to the people in my discipleship group because we've already covered this but you're probably still prideful so..."

Person 1: When I get to heaven, the first thing I'm gonna do after worshiping Jesus and seeing my friends and family is punch Adam in his stupid face for causing us to have yard work to do!
Person 2: LMFAO  Who's Adam?  OH wait  Adam and Eve.
Person 1: LOL yeah that Adam.  There may be a line for that butt whoopin though.  That would be a funny twist.  The first 20 odd years would be dedicated to everyone getting a whoopin (though feeling no pain because heaven) for everything stupid they did/caused :P
Person 2: And then your job in heaven will be yard work.  All because at the Bema seat, Jesus sees this convo right here  lmfao
Person 1: Probably cause that's my luck.  Well I guess if I'm taking the butt whoopin I'm gonna make it worth it LOL
Person 2: But at least in heaven your back won't hurt while doing yard work.
Person 1:  Truth.  No heat exhaustion, no pain, no tired.  I'd be fine with yard work under those conditions.

"I wasn't sure when I would be free from the clutches of the underwear."

"I ate all the chocolate because Mom keeps feeding it to me and I don't appreciate it."

"Goldfish aren't cheese flavored *looks at box*.... oh"

"Wait, you don't put water on electrical fires?  ...OOOHH"

"Immigration is stupid"  (said during Apples to Apples... I figured I should explain that before anyone has a heart attack)

"Hey ummm guess what Mistew Wes.  I'm a wainbow!  and.. and I went up in a wocket ship into outew space!"

"You know it's good if you fight Satan"

"If you can't tell, I'm looking forward to this weekend about as much as I would be looking forward to a hydraulic press to the genitals."

"Sometimes when life gets you down, there is no better stress reliever than going into a virtual world and killing anything in sight."

"You gotta take a shot every time they say the N-word in this game.... OH LOOK there's two more ni..uuuuuuummmm I mean two more shots!"

"Do you think ants have names?

"You know, Pokemon has done more for Downtown Kingsport than Downtown Kingsport has done for itself in the last twenty years."

"I've got five minutes and thirty six seconds left of this incest... INCENSE!!!!"

"Y'all going for that gym?  POLIWRATH GON' GIT YA!"

"I feel like there's 20 midgets in my head playing bongos."

"This dog does not have a butthole...this game SUCKS"

"Is penii the plural for penis or is it penises?  I've never known how to pluralize male anatomy.  That's why I don't go to orgies.  Well that and Jesus."

"It smelled like rotten a** death.  Like the a** of a hippo had fallen off in my dishwasher and decayed to a slimy substance that had then been baked in a 400 degree oven with a fan to spread the smell around.  That's how it smelled."

"If I ever go out of the country, I want to go to Connectica... Connecticut.. NO CANADA!"

"I'm not the boss of you?  Oh honey, you need to go back about fifteen years and check yourself because I wear the skirt... the pants in this family."

"If someone shoots and kills me I want them to have SEVERE PTSD."

Person 1: "I think it's in Arizona or something." 
Person 2: "F***ing Jamaican people!"

"The next level is Arabic so you can guarantee it will be an accurate representation of India or wherever Arabia is."

"It's a Chinese Buffet of spirituality."

"Other companies have been around for over a hundred years.  I won't mention these companies by name because some are in competition with us, so I hate them."

"When you're doing that with a client, magic actually happens."

"Today it was like everywhere I went there was a gnat, and I started getting paranoid that they were coming FROM me."

"Well, I did like you all and voted yesterday.  God please forgive me.  I told the lady working there that I went to work this morning to help the economy, went to donate blood to help the sick, and now I'm here for the mentally ill."

"Congratulations.  Be lifted up today.  Prepare for the pain."

"The controls are so bad it's like trying to butter corn with your d***."


There you have it.  That was my fantastic look back at 2016.  I'll be collecting everyone's quotes through 2017 and see you again here next year

Have an awesome day!

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